This post initially showed up on Strong Language, a sweary blog around swearing.

You are watching: Smack my ass and call me judy

Southern dialect abounds with colorful expressions, a lot of rooted in rural life and relationships. Some, choose “bmuch less her heart,” sound benign yet have actually a darker edge to them (she’s an idiot, but lovably so).

Others, favor “Even a blind squirrel finds a nut as soon as in a while,” and also “Even a blind mule doesn’t pilgrimage over the exact same rock twice” have a bit of versatility in them, such that various other pets have the right to be substituted for the usual ones, or they’ll get over a various type of obstacle. Regardless, the point will be similar to “Even a broken watch is appropriate twice a day.”


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Well, sandwich me in shortbread and speak to me a cookie!

Photograph by Jean-Sebastien Evrard/AFP/GettyImages


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What interests us below are the expressions that permit for larger substitutions, such that a straightforward pattern exists and the speaker deserve to transform them on the fly for the level of pressure and humor wanted. Of these, let’s look at:


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Well butter my butt and speak to me a biscuit!

This earthy interjection expresses surpclimb or astonishment. The very same action deserve to be perdeveloped with “Well I’ll be!” This elides the verb, which is construed to be “switched,” “struck dumb,” “a monkey’s uncle,” or something of the sort.

The longer form has actually spawned a selection of variants in the create of “ my and call me .”

A search of Web comments and discussions easily transforms up:

Well butter my butt and also speak to me toast.Well smack my ass and contact me Sally.

The name is subject to instant substitution, e.g.:

Smack my ass and also contact me Judy!Smack my ass and call me Susan.Well slap my ass and also speak to me Clementine.Well, slap my ass and also call me Sandy.


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Intensification is possible:

Stick a banana up my ass and call me Susie!Tickle my anus and also contact me Samantha.

Some opt to adjust the gender from female to male, perhaps even more advantageous for female speakers:


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Slap my ass and also speak to me Charlie.Well sit on my confront and contact me Bernard!

The pattern conveniently permits other nouns in area of a name:

Slap my ass and also call me a hypocrite.Smack my ass and speak to me a newborn.Slap my ass and also call me a donvital.Kick my ass and speak to me crazy.

It’s likewise possible to tone the phrase down a little bit by gaining ameans from all the butt-business:

Repaint me green and call me a cucumber.Slap me with bcheck out and speak to me a sandwich.Pin my tail and also speak to me a donessential.Fry me in butter and also call me a catfish.Saddle my earlier and also speak to me a horse!Well knock me down and also steal my teeth!


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It has been said that this may not be a pattern distinctive to the Amerihave the right to South, as an episode of Blackadder consists of the following line:

You twist and also turn prefer a twisty turny point. I say you’re a weedy pigeon, Blackadder, and you have the right to speak to me Susan if it isn’t so.

A close analysis, but, puts passist to the concept. Lord Melchett’s definition here could be substituted via “and also damn me if.” But the pattern under examicountry is a speech act designed to job-related in two parts: 1) establishing the scene, and also 2) finishing with a paraprosdokian to elicit in the listener the exact same surpclimb or astonishment as knowledgeable by the speaker.


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